a retreat center, a dentist chair and a whoohoo

It’s Monday evening and I’m back home after a few long and eventful days.

Sherrie awesomely invited me to a weekend ladies’ retreat with her and her friends from a Bible study group. Some of them I’ve known most of my life — women like Linda, Melissa, Gail… — and every year they get together at a retreat center at a lake in east Texas and spend a few days learning, getting to know each other better, laughing and… yeah.

It was so restful. I had two and a half hours in the car on the way down. Got to see Duane and Nancy and have supper with them before going the rest of the way. Sherrie met me at the gate. Friday night, all day Saturday and Sunday morning we had group study times, quiet times by the lake on our own and then time together. It was very… real. And somehow Sherrie and I ended up with our own little cabin-condo, which was amazing. The best part about it was going back at night, fixing cups of tea and sitting on our own couch in our own little living room and just talking.

God just knows what we need, even before we do.

I drove back yesterday, another two and a half hours in the car. Stopped at another lake. Sat on top of a picnic table in the sunshine and wrote in my journal. Also needed.

Today Zach and I got up and drove to Paris for dental appointments. I know that going to the dentist is a traumatic (or at least an unwelcome) experience for most people, but for us it’s never been about drills and fillings because our dentists have always been good friends of our family. Jay fixed my retainer and Gay came to the office and hung out with us while we waited, then we all ended up at Clint and Rachel’s for lunch and play time with the kids. We got to meet baby Marion, who is awesome. I’m not even a baby person, but she is cool. Super laid back and happy. It was just so good to see everybody.

We drove the hour and a half home. The weather was perfect. Got in, put my tennis shoes on and went for a run before supper. It was kind of pathetic, but I decided before I left that I at least wasn’t going to stop running till I got home, and I didn’t. On my way up the big circle I passed a lady running the opposite direction who gave me a big smile and returned my high-five. When I was coming back down the other side of the circle I passed her again and she gave the same huge smile and said, “WHOOHOO!!!” (That’s the difference between Americans and Estonians.) And the rest of the painful way home wasn’t so bad after that.

Encouragement is a big deal. Whether you find yourself at a retreat center, in a dentist chair or just trying not to quit when things are tough, it makes things better. And I see all over again how much good it can do for somebody else if I’ll include them in my circle of friends, visit with them while they wait in the dentist chair, or cheer them on when they’re running more slowly than me.

“I am greatly encouraged… my joy knows no bounds.”
-2 Corinthians 7:4

the science of happiness

The Science of Happiness

Why do we chase the good life so we can be happy? Shawn Achor talks about which comes first…

half-thoughts and circles

I have tried to write this past week. There are half-posts in my drafts folder even. But with so many half-thoughts going around in my head right now, to think through a whole one, from start to finish, feels a little beyond me. That’s ok, though. Things will get better.

I’m grateful that somebody told me once that life goes in a circle, up then down then back around again. That’s just encouraging enough on the down days, and just reminder enough on the days that are up to remember to appreciate them.

Mom and I are team-teaching a girls’ class on Wednesdays now. It’s been so good to do something with her, and I think the girls are liking it. (At least they’re still coming!) We’re going through what it really means to be a super-woman, from Proverbs 31 (Yep, Evelin. That lesson.) and it’s been a good look into what God is looking for in me — that it’s not about having a family, growing grapes, sewing clothes and being Betty house-wife, rather it’s about who I am. Everything begins with my character and finishes with me and God. That’s what really matters.

So I’m just going. Up and around and down again, then back up and around. Listening to and learning from wiser people. Reading. Laughing with my family. Hanging out with junior high girls and older people at church. Enjoying the sunshine. Remembering to stop and include God in my take on what is going on (and sometimes what isn’t) and to try to understand it all as he sees it.

Each circle is worth something. Each brings a new view at the top and new friends and findings at the bottom to make the next time around even more amazing than the last.

the land and the rain

“Land that drinks in the rain often falling on it
and that produces a crop useful to those for whom it is farmed
receives the blessing of God.
But land that produces thorns and thistles
is worthless and is in danger of being cursed.
In the end it will be burned.”
-Hebrew 6:7-8

Stumbled across this little bit in Hebrews that starts out, “Land that drinks in the rain often falling on it…”

I feel like that sometimes, like the first part, like land drinking in the rain. It’s a good thing. Some days are tough, but all in all I do recognize the good that God has often rained down through my parents and teachers and mentors and friends. And I think all of us are like that, that we’ve all experienced the “rain often falling” at some point or another. Different people have loved us, believed in us, taught us, gone out of their way to be nice to us… And we’ve been able to drink it in and soak it up.

These verses also made me realize that I’ve been, that we’ve been, “farmed.” Just like the farmer expects the land he works to produce a crop, all of the work that has gone into me has been in expectation of something back. My parents worked hard and raised me the way they did in the hopes that I would become a person with a certain kind of character. My teachers taught me what they did so that I would turn out a well-rounded responsible adult. My friends have stuck with me with the hope of having a certain kind of friend in return. Even the soldiers who fought for my freedom did so in the hopes that I would do something good with it. So many churches and groups of Christians have done so much for me so that I might help others in different places. I’ve been often rained on and blessed. But for a reason.

Land that’s worked and that drinks in the good given it can produce two very different crops. Hebrews talks about producing a crop that’s useful to those who have farmed it, or one of thorns and thistles (which are useless at best, or which hurt and create extra work for the farmer.) Just like land can produce two very different crops, so can people. So can we.

It’s worth stopping to ask what I’m giving back in response to my blessings. Am I the kind of person my parents worked hard for me to become? Would my teachers see my life and feel like the time they invested in me was worth it? Am I using my freedoms for good — was I worth fighting for? Am I a good extension of the churches who believe in me? Am I a good friend in return to my friends? Or do I just drink in all the good and give nothing back? Even worse, do I turn around and hurt those who have worked hard for me? Do I create extra work for them? Am I helpful, or am I hurtful?

Back to Hebrews, the ultimate point in question is whether or not my life is giving anything back to God. All the good that he rains down on me, that he rains down on each of us, has been and is for a reason. I get to decide if I’m going to take the good he’s given and do something with it for him or if I’ll take the good for myself and give nothing back, perhaps one day going even as far as becoming bitter and hurtful. That’s what we all get to decide.

It seems like it would be easier to drink in the rain and give nothing back, but Hebrews warns of the danger of that and promises only emptiness in the end. The harder work of producing, of giving back to God and others, that’s the kind of land, that’s the kind of person, that God is looking for. And that’s where all his blessings are.

friends near

The past few days have been great. Thursday and yesterday especially.

Thursday Mom and I drove up to Little Rock and got to spend some good time with Amber (I didn’t get a picture, but it did happen!) Then yesterday Amanda drove down and David and Amanda drove up and we had a family fun night. Mom made pizza and we played the Bible edition of Apples To Apples. It was a riot.

So glad to have friends nearby!

fear

Tonight Tony gave the devo thought at church. He talked about fear and the affects it can have on us.

When we’re afraid of something, anything, we take our focus off God and start dreaming about a life without that worry. If it’s financial trouble that’s scaring us we think, “Life would be so much better if I could have…” or if it’s trouble with another person we think, “If they would just…” or if it’s something to do with our health we wonder, “If only I was able to…” or if it’s a difficult situation we dream that it will end and we forget to focus on what, on who, really matters. The other thing about fear is that it keeps us from loving others like we should because, as Tony said, “… love is risky.”

Listening tonight, though the lesson was short and humorous, I thought about the things that I’ve been afraid of lately and different times those fears have kept me from doing what’s most important in life: loving God with all my heart, soul, mind and strength, and loving others.  I didn’t even realize it till then. Fear is hard to see through.

It was a great reminder. For today. For tomorrow, too. It was a great reminder to keep doing the good I can do and not let fear keep me from it.

   He has showed you, O man, what is good.
   And what does the LORD require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
   and to walk humbly with your God.
-Micah 6:8

————————————————————–

When I wonder who to be
I know that You are here with me
Where I go, I know
That You are waiting there
This time it’s still
The same it’s always been
I’m not alone
We’ll make it till the end

Where… I find my strength in You
Only You
When… my questions never end
I look to You

And whoever I’m supposed to be
You have plans for me
And You’ll see me through

choosing to change

Zach and I went and did a little driving this evening before supper. I determined to not let a little clutch pedal beat me, and I did much better the second time around.

It’s strange to feel like a new driver when I’ve been driving for years. It’s frustrating. I think it’s so hard because what I’m wanting to be able to do I’ve already been doing for a long time.

I want to be able to get in the car and go where I want to go. But I’ve already earned that. I’ve already gone through this process and been successful. I’ve already done the work. But now things are different; the game has changed. Now if I want that freedom I have to learn how to drive a different kind of car.

Life itself is changing, too. Times are changing. People everywhere are pretty frustrated because we’re looking around and seeing our freedoms being lost. We can’t get where we want to go any more, because the vehicles we’ve always used to earn our freedoms are breaking down and something else is here. Now we have a brand new world to learn.

If I let a clutch pedal beat me, I’ll be stuck. I can give up and stay home, but I won’t be free. I won’t win in life. And if we hold on to the way we’ve always lived, we’ll be stuck. We can leave the changing world to others and stay comfortable where we’re at, but our comfort won’t last long, and ultimately we won’t win.

It’s been said that change is the only constant in life and that you can either “hate change so much that you’re willing to lose, or hate losing so much that you’re willing to change.”

I choose to learn. I choose to change. I might kill the car a few times, but a clutch pedal won’t beat me. And learning how to be a good steward of God’s gifts in the world I’ve been given might feel awkward and different from what I ever learned before, but I will do the work and learn again.

Because… I want to be free. And I can choose to change.

a little dirt never hurt

I found Mom this morning and asked, “What are you doing for the next 15 minutes?” “Hanging out with you!” she said. I’ve been needing to get some practice driving a manual transmission, so I asked if she wanted to hang out in the car. We could just drive around the block and come home.

She was up for it, so we got into Geoff’s car. We reviewed the process for a minute, then I started the car up and backed out of the driveway, right into the neighbor’s front yard.

It’s been raining off and on for a while now, and last night a big storm came through. All the clay around here turned soft and squishy, so we sunk in pretty good. After definitely not being able to back up or go forward, we left the car and went to ask Dad to come take a look.

When even Dad couldn’t get us out, we realized that our only options were to get some rope and pull it out with the van or somehow manage to get traction under the wheels and drive out. We decided to drive.

We found some cardboard in the shed and laid it on the ground. Dad got behind the wheel. The rest of us pushed. It worked!

With the car out of the yard, I went to see the neighbors and explained what had happened. The lady was awesome. She said, “Wow, yeah. When I learned how to drive a manual at least I had a pasture!” And she said that she hoped I manage to learn someday. I sure hope so too!

Zach helped me shovel and smooth the tracks in their yard level again, then Dad helped me find the water hose and sprayer and I got to work rinsing the car. It’s February and I was out in our driveway in shorts and flipflops with a water hose. Love it.

Took about half an hour to get the tires rinsed off, then Dad came back out and helped me finish up cleaning the driveway. I was a sight by then — muddy and wet. It was awesome! When everything was done and good to go and I cleaned up, and I thought how nice it was to be a little dirty. Makes being clean feel all the better afterward.

So all in all it’s been a great Saturday morning. Once again, I get into a predicament and my family helps me out. This is the second time this week already. Hopefully that’s it until at least… Monday!

van of brothers

We’ve spent so much time on the road lately that today it was finally time for time with the boys. This afternoon Mom, Tim, Titus, Drew and I all got into the van and went to see the Paris Warriors play (our Texas-home-town teams) at their games in a town between here and there.

It’s been four years now since we lived in Paris, and it did feel strange at first to step back into that atmosphere, but only until the Joneses got there. They’re awesome; the same as ever. They’re the kind of people that bring the best out in others, and it was so fun to spend time with them. It’s nice to have friends that we get to keep.

Time with the b-rothers was just funny. We sat on the sidelines and played 4-way RockPaperScissors and I Spy and goofed off, as well as watching the games. Things are just better with family. I do love them a lot.

moving the girls

We got back from the major late Sunday night. Monday was packing and loading day. Tuesday we got up and drove the girls to their new home in Missouri, unloaded and unpacked, grabbed supper, visited with people who stopped by to welcome Kari and Kaci to town (it’s a great place!) and stayed up late talking.

Wednesday morning we spent fixing  Kari’s bed after I sat on it wrong and broke it. I felt bad, but it actually turned out to be kind of a neat thing — a group project that got fixed quickly. Dad and Mom (and Kari and Kaci) are just awesome.

Left the girls well on their way to being settled in and drove back to Texas. Went to church almost as soon as we got into town, then spent the rest of the evening visiting with Mom and with Robert, Aunt Janice’s husband who came down from Colorado and went to the major with us. And then I crashed for a while, got up this morning did some things around the house, Mom and I took Robert up to Little Rock to catch his flight back, then we turned right around and drove home.

It’s crazy late now, but I don’t want to go to sleep right yet. Right now it’s quiet, and it feels good to just kind of… breathe.

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